It's OK to Talk About Death. But How?

So, probably not the uplifting, feel good opening to a blog that you’d normally expect but I just found myself watching a segment of This Morning where Jim Carter was chatting to Phil and Holly about the taboo of talking about death and I found myself needing to write more about this.

It resonated with me so much because we recently experienced such a huge family loss and often, you find that until that time comes, you never consider it.

And you shouldn’t, to some respect. You can’t live life waiting for that to happen and some people obviously experience it suddenly and don’t get that chance.

However the point of this particular segment was that they were discussing the fact that we are so ready to shun conversations about death and quickly shush people who make statements like "well, when I die..." just casually. And in many ways, that's not helpful because it means that so many people are left completely clueless, alone and with a lot of pressure when a loss does happen.

Marie Curie have recently set up an advertising campaign to encourage people to be more open about death and that's where this discussion has stemmed from. On their website, they break down our attitude to death and the different ways we cope, we refer to it, we celebrate life in general. And having just lost someone very close to me, I really do welcome this campaign.

We knew we were going to face our loss and so although things were talked about and discussed, we aren't a particularly open family in some respects and I really don't think we're the only ones, hence why I think this initiative is great.

When the time comes there are so many things you wouldn't have considered, so many things that probably weren't discussed or talked about and although it's difficult, emotional and upsetting, the slightest little bit of information could help those facing the loss later on. I've talked to friends and family lately about how bizarre I found some of the traditions and processes around death and marking a death and so many have agreed that whilst there's a formality about proceedings and that marks a lot of respect for those who have passed, it sometimes can seem un-natural and un-realistic when you are such laid-back, casual people and you haven't really talked about it. And I think opening up the conversation around death would definitely help. Attitudes and processes surrounding death differ across the world but a lot of what we know of end of life and funerals comes from what we see on TV until we are faced with those situations ourselves.

It is a sensitive subject, it is hard to confront and many of us just don't feel comfortable with these conversations and discussions but I think it's great that there's a campaign to open this up and I wanted to share that.

I also wanted to share something which may seem trivial and odd to some but something I found incredibly useful and comforting after the recent passing of my grandad.

A while ago, I purchased a gift for my grandparents to mark their wedding anniversary and it was two journals, one for each of them, which had questions on each and every page. Things like "tell me about where you grew up", "what did you do to pass time as a child?", "who was your hero or biggest influence?" and the purpose was for them to write in the book, fill it out and hand it back to me when they'd completed it, so that I could read about their lives and their thoughts and opinions.

At the time of buying these, we had no idea grandad was ill and it was just a thoughtful gesture because I loved listening to tales of their lives but didn't often get the opportunity to have those chats. Grandad was a quiet, respectful man and a man of very few words and so this book proved to be eye-opening and incredibly helpful when we re-discovered it upon his passing. It helped us reminisce, helped us to make arrangements, and gave me a little piece of him that I can always refer back to and read.

If you and your family find such conversations hard or simply have regrettably had few opportunities to discuss and reflect on lives and your memories, then I would strongly recommend these books which you can buy for all members of family, friends and even yourself. The one I bought was by From You to Me as part of their Journals of a Lifetime range and was suggested to me by a friend but you can purchase them via this link.

A different post but one to get us all thinking.

Crazy few months - Graduation/Moving Out/PGCE/Holidays & Festivals

Wow.

Everything has been a little bit hectic since my last post.

First of all, and possibly saddest of all, my university experience came to an end. On the 21st of July, I graduated from the University of Huddersfield, which was a bit of a surreal day and left me with a whole load of emotions and feelings. Firstly, happy that I'd passed and was now the proud owner of a degree, sad that my three years at uni had come and gone in the blink of an eye, scared at the prospect of making a fool of myself whilst on stage during graduation, and also scared at the fact that I had absolutely no post-graduation plans whatsoever. Nevertheless, the day came and went and it wasn't nearly as scary as I had anticipated, I didn't fall off stage, I didn't look as stupid as I thought I would, and I actually had a great deal of fun.

Photograph courtesy of Shauni Hetherington via Facebook

The day after graduation was the day I'd been dreading for months on end - moving out day. The day I had to say goodbye to the friends I'd pretty much lived with on and off for the last three years. The friends that I shared every innermost thought and deepest secret with. The friends that knew every last thing about me, right down to how I was feeling at any given moment to what I was probably thinking at any given moment. The friends that I am very rarely seen without and very rarely cope without. It was one of the most emotional days of my life, as dramatic as that might sound. It took us all weekend to move our stuff out of the flat and the sheer amount of stuff we threw away was ridiculous (so much so that the binmen had a good rummage and took out some of it for themselves!) Eventually we left our beloved home and went our own separate ways, which was devastating, but hopefully we will not be seeing the last of each other because those girls mean the world to me and I hope the feeling is mutual!

Our humble abode looking empty and downright spotless!

So after moving out of the flat, came the big move back to Castleford - another event I'd been dreading for months. Cas is my home-town and I'm not the kind of person to forget my roots but at times it can be such a dull place, where everybody has their own little routine and many people lack ambition. Those who do have aspirations and ambitions rarely stay here, and instead venture off to nearby cities and towns with a little more to offer. That being said, the novelty of coming home to a place I grew up in, does often sound really appealling and sometimes fills me with excitement, but this novelty wears off very quickly, when I realise how mundane life round here really is. 

Now as I've probably documented before, when in Castleford, I stay with my grandma, because she is the only member of the family with a room spare for me! And because it's my escape place, and a place I feel comfortable and well looked after in. My grandma and grandad do and have done an awful lot for me, so I do like spending time at their house and in their company and I'd like to think they enjoy having me here too. While staying here, I've had some epic meals and learnt a lot about my family that I never knew before and I have genuinely really enjoyed having long chats with my grandma and looking at old photos trying to decide which baby is which grandchild whilst laughing at our shocking fashion choices. The last month has had me yo-yo-ing between Castleford and Huddersfield for work, but I have actually enjoyed spending time in both places and having the best of both worlds.

(See below for some of the aforementioned hilarious baby photos me and my grandma managed to unearth!)

However, my time dipping between Castleford and Huddersfield is about to come to an end, because I will be moving back to the Hudd next week for another year of studying, only this time for a PGCE (Post-graduate Certificate of Education.) During the last two months, I applied for a place on a Further Education PGCE, because I had no idea what I really wanted to do with my degree and the only real career I had ever toyed with was the prospect of being a teacher. Everyone who knows me, knows just how much I relish the opportunity to check over other people's pieces of work, offering better ways to word sentences and ideas to improve whatever the project might be. This combined with my knowledge of Media Studies, could potentially be my ideal job. With this in mind, I applied for a place on a PGCE course at my former university and with no experience and little confidence in myself, I honestly didn't think I would even be considered for a second, let alone given an interview. But, obviously, I was, and I can't even describe how nervous I was for the interview, in which I had to give a presentation (something I don't exactly excel at!) But I bit the bullet, and threw myself into the interview whole-heartedly, and am so proud of myself because it meant I was successful and will be starting the course within the next month. I am incredibly excited for this next chapter and can't wait to get stuck in.

As if all of the above wasn't chaotic enough, I have also been on a holiday with my family and even spent last weekend at Leeds Festival, which I am planning on writing a post about, very soon. July and August have been hectic to say the least, hence my distinct lack of posts. I won't make any promises about having lots of posts to come, because in a fortnight I start my course, which I have been warned, is pretty full on. But I will definitely be posting about my Leeds Fest experience before I go AWOL again.